Chemistry is tricky. Most of the time we think of it as an instant attraction. You know, the certain feeling one gets during that first encounter. The “I think I’d like to have sex with you. Maybe not today, but eventually,” sort of vibe.
BUT, that’s chemistry with a small c and there’s no doubt we’ve all experienced it more than once. What I’m talking about is the tricky Chemistry. That’s the feeling of “I think I’d like to have sex with you. Maybe not today, but eventually, and then afterwards I’d like to talk—for hours.”
As you know, I made a decision after a year of online dating to kick it old school. No more cyber-augmented love for me. I also decided I’d keep my love life to myself after that year of over sharing.
Well, I’m going to break that second rule now and tell you about one night in my traditional dating world.
About two months ago a friend and I were having cocktails at a neighborhood bistro. We both love a perfectly prepared martini and the bartender makes a mean one.
It was a Friday night and we arrived around 7:30pm. The place was packed but we eventually got two seats at the bar. She’s in a committed relationship but is often my wingwoman and we immediately began looking around for eligible men of a certain age—for me.
We both zeroed in on a man seated at the opposite end of the bar.
“Do you see that good looking guy at the end of the bar?”
“Just spotted him,” I replied.
Kind of sounds like hunters preparing to chamber a bullet, right? Here’s why. The guy was the black rhino of single men fifty or older. Extremely good looking, well-dressed, fit, no wedding ring, and confident. I knew he was confident because as I looked at him he boldly looked back, smiled, nodded and raised his glass to me.
I told you about using Cheek’d cards in a previous post. I’d slipped a few into my evening bag that night and my friend and I quickly began looking for the right clever greeting to give to the gorgeous stranger. Let me tell you, I was not going to let him leave without one. As we debated about the selection, the man seated next to me interjected by asking about what we were doing. We’d been there for about thirty minutes by then and I could tell two minutes after we sat down, he wanted to join our conversation.
I also thought he might be interested in me–just a feeling I got–and that feeling wasn’t mutual. He was not my type. At. All. Early to mid-forties, chubby, an expensive but rumpled suit, and hair that was in need of a trim, nothing like the other man I had my sights on but I answered his questions and turned back to my friend. He butted in again and I brushed him off. I was too distracted to even hear what he said because the other man was paying his check and I had to make a move. Grabbing the card I headed over to him and said, “I didn’t want you to leave without this.”
“I was just getting ready to come over and talk to you on my way out. Just waiting to sign the bill.”
Dammit! I could’ve been coy but instead went all Alpha Chick.
“Great, see you soon.”
Back in my seat, the pest next to me asked how it went. My friend was in a conversation with the woman next to her and this time I turned towards him and actually answered. He officially introduced himself, told me his name (Scott) and we chatted for a minute until the perfect man from across the bar walked up. His name, I learned, was Rob.
I introduced my girlfriend to Rob and we turned our stools away from the bar since he was standing behind us. The three of us made small talk but a few minutes in he said something that annoyed me. It was about our new mayor, Bill de Blasio, and it was a typical smartass and uninformed statement from someone less “progressive” and aware than is normal in this city.
“That was a dumb thing to say,” said Scott quietly for my ears only. I turned back towards him and agreed.
“I think he might be Republican,” I sighed and Scott told me that although he worked on Wall Street, he was a liberal Democrat. We started talking politics—both local and national–and he was very knowledgeable.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Forty-five.”
“I’m fifty-two.”
“I would’ve never guessed. I noticed you the moment you walked in and when you sat down next to me I told the bartender to hold off on my to-go order. I am supposed to be bringing dinner to my brother and sister-in-law’s, but then I saw you.”
Ding, ding, ding. Chemistry with a capital C smacked me in the face.
I wasn’t sure I even felt little c with Rob after his stupid remark.
This story is lengthy and gets more interesting as the night wears on.
To be continued…
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” C. G. Jung
Hmmmm. Plot thickens.
Ha! It sure does, June.
Melani- were you a Sex in the City fan back in the day? This is the 2014 version. HBO should be kissing your feet. I’m so glad to feel that girl comradie again.
I was a huge SATC fan, Pam. I’m ready for HBO feet kissing anytime they are! Thank you so much for the comparison. I miss that camaraderie, too.
I can’t believe you did that. Leaving us hanging!?!?!
I know! I have some nerve. I’ll finish it next week so it won’t be a lengthy delay. Promise!
Sister don’t leave us hanging here… start typing pronto.
I’m on it, Matthew. Fingers moving.
Thank you.
I walk in to my office and pull up my 50 new emails and I go right for the best one. I didn’t even look at the ones from Match.com that came overnight. (I didn’t need to read another e-mail from a drunk lunch lady). Your e-mail was going to be the highlight of my weekend (sad to say) and all of the sudden…”Tune in next week folks” like the old TV shows used to do… oh the humanity of it all!
“Drunk lunch lady” had me laughing, Matthew. I like my standing as the highlight of your weekend!
Oh,, I can not wait! After dating someone with huge chemistry for one year and ending suddenly and without warning….. I am wondering about this whole “no instant chemistry”. Met someone who I have great conversations with and enjoy spending time, but the chemistry not there. Will it come? Let it go? What to do?!
I can not wait to hear part 2~!
“Ending without warning” is the worst, Kim. Just hate that shit. Part two is coming next week. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it.
Blogus interruptus is not fair play! Did the brother and sister-in-law end up scrounging the cupboards for a heel of bread and out-of-date can of soup? How did you dispatch the black rhino? Did Scott turn into a prince? Or something better? This is so frustrating I’m going to have to browse the craigslist personals.
Hahaha, Kevin, that was a funny comment!
Good one… leave us hanging…
Thanks, Teeja. Probably kind of irritating but I’m smiling.
Thought I’d check in to see if you’ve shared more… no luck. And it’s not irritating, you’ve got us smiling as well. Many of us are eager to hear more; good job with your craft! 🙂
more please!
Ok, Jennifer!
I went through my emails quickly today then said, “Let’s see what Melanie is up to.” You have to know by now how many of us love to read what you share, how you share … and then this touch of foreplay with words with what will follow … looking forward to more. Also, another great quote.
Thanks, Helen! Now you know (kind of) what I’ve been up to. Lots more to this story, though. Glad you liked the quote.
You devil! Leaving us hanging like that… I’ve gone WAY wrong over the years with instant chemistry, those slow burn, “Oh, how about that, this guy IS sexy” deals are much better. I like the sound of Mr. Rumplesuit (hey at least it’s an expensive suit!)
Rumplesuit was a surprise, Tracy. Sat there and didn’t even give him a second glance. Stay tuned. There’s lots more to come.
How funny, I was getting ready this morning and wondered when you would post again. I’ve really missed your wit, but what a tease you are to make us wait a week.! I’ll be waiting ever so impatiently…
Ugh!!!!! With a capital “U”!!! No little “u” here….I’m talking major Ugh whilst waiting for the sequel…..bad form!!! (wink)
I know, Debbie! So unfair but this is a long story and this weekend I was thinking I should probably break it up into THREE parts. We’ll see how much time I have this week!
I don’t think this is about chemistry. I think this is about the difference between men and women. For a woman, lack of physical attraction can be overcome by a number of other factors. For men…..no way in hell. Put 50lbs or a few years on you, and no matter how funny you are or your political beliefs align, that fellow porky at the bar isn’t giving you the time of day.
As awful as your comment is, Paul, I think you’re right. Not about chemistry but about the difference between men and women. Although I will say that I have to be physically attracted to a man and his outward appearance comes first. This wasn’t just about sharing political beliefs there was something else that can’t be defined or categorized but perhaps women are more able to get around the physical to see if that “it” is there. Now, when you said “fellow porky” did you mean “porky fellow” or were you lumping me into the porky category? Kind of like, “She was sitting at the bar and noticed a fellow porky eating the same fattening burger she was.”
Fantastic! A class in chemistry has never been so fun…
Glad to hear it, Margaret!
Tell me more Melani….pleaseeeee
Coming soon, Irene!