Melani Robinson

Author | 1 Year of Online Dating at 50

Pardon My French

by 62 Comments

My friend Tracy said that my willingness to to put myself out there, via digital dating, was an admirable trait. The fact that I had SO many awful experiences and didn’t quit was a lesson in tenacity that others (herself included) should follow.

I was mortified.

Was it desperation? Wouldn’t a normal person quit? Seriously, what kind of maniac continues to be tortured and goes back for more?

The following wise words have been attributed to Einstein, Twain or occasionally Franklin, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Unknown

 

According to Albert, Mark or Ben, I surely have bats in my belfry.

BUT, not so fast, iconic dead guys. Along came the right man on Tinder and I am officially off the market.

You read that right.

I am no longer single.

We’ve been together for a couple of months and I’m happy–maybe even blissful. Being with him is easy and has been from date one. To have instant ease was at first scary but I did my best to avoid overthinking our connection. Surely a peccadillo or ten would surface. If nothing else, our cultural differences would be challenging.

He’s French. Very French.

Beyond two debates on World War II and wine, we manage to agree on most things. He’s hilarious and unfiltered. I’m impressed with his quick wit given that he’s translating the humor into a language that’s not his own. Maybe it’s the accent but I crack up all the time. When I repeat something, he asks (with annoyance), “Why do you make me sound like Inspector Clouseau?” I laugh some more.

IMG_4204

Chance and Kate

We spend weekends at his rambling home in Chappaqua. He’ll cook dinner as I sip wine and keep him company in the kitchen. His dog and my two get along—the only family blending we have to worry about with adult children. He works in the city so during the week we spend time in my neighborhood.

I recently passed a test, though unaware it was being given. He was entertaining friends from Paris. Dinner began at 7pm and we didn’t finish until 2am. We ate, drank, listened to music–discussed everything from politics (French and American) to pop culture. We also danced. Often. He said that although a lengthy dinner with many courses was typical in France, he’d not found it to be common in America. Maybe so but I’m a continental chick and, duh, if the music includes “La vie en rose” I’ll be charming all night.

His friend decided I was “sexy with class.” Oui!

He is in Europe now on business and will be gone for two weeks. I would’ve joined him had I not lost my passport. Next time, for sure.

It feels good to miss him; safe in knowing he will be back soon.

 

 

France is the most civilized country in the world and doesn’t care who knows it. John Gunther

Comments

  6. HAPPY for you!! Always happy to hear a success story! And at least he’s not Russian, right?
    Now you can explore Montreal and Quebec City at ease. 🙂

    Reply

    • True, Greg. I’m not sure I would enjoy a visit to the Motherland. 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to write. I guess I am an online dating success story, ha!

      Reply

  7. I am soooooo happy for you. Patience and lots of duds eventually led to him…..and so Gallic. Believe it or not I too have found a fabulous man……..timing and luck and we are both giddy with finding each other. Over 4 months now and he has met the girlfriends and my mom and I met his parents. Next stop-my kids. DD is just not ready…….son is still estranged from me so I”m not sweating that. Will your next book be about how to keep dating your soulmate? Yes there is love after 50 and hot sex too!

    All the best,
    Cindy

    Reply

    • Lots of duds, for sure, Cindy. Yikes! Big congratulations on your new love. Sounds like you’re on your path. Still editing the 1Year book but while it was with the editor, I started another book. A memoir, again. It’s about my two years of living in Russia. Written with humor, of course. I’m just starting it and will put it aside now that I’m working frantically to finish 1Year. I’m enjoying the writing process, though! Thanks for asking, Cindy, and thanks for your good wishes. Back atcha!

      Reply

  8. Geez, Melani. good for you. However, I was hoping you would meet “Pierre II” … someone, yes, sexy with class. Then again, I know how much you love men. Who knows? Well … best to both of you, and yours … regardless, or perhaps, without reservation.

    Cheers!

    Reply

  10. I read your news with delight! We have grown to know and love you Melani and am so happy for you! Given my recent frustration and exact thoughts you were having, this now gives me renewed hope. I needed it at this moment, so thank you!
    Kim
    ps
    He is a hottie! AND a French accent? Ohhlaalaa!

    Reply

    • Aww, thank you, kim! I’m thrilled this gives you hope. It’s hard to keep plugging along after so much disappointment but my friend reminded me of my line, “Online dating only sucks until it doesn’t.”

      Yes, he’s a hottie! Thanks for writing, kim!

      Reply

  11. Just yesterday you came to mind, and I wondered how you were! Your post makes one hopeful after all. It reminds me not to listen to those who tell me to ‘give it a go’ when my gut feel tells me someone isnt right for me. I dont know why people assume that because we are older we should just ‘settle’ for less.
    Am so pleased for you, Melanie, and always appreciate that you share with us!

    Reply

    • Thank you, Vivella. I don’t know why people think we should settle either. What the hell? Go with your gut, Vivella. Thanks for the comment! 🙂

      Reply

  13. Melanie,

    No one deserves it more. I’m really happy for you. it’s always great to hear about another person who found someone online. I never would have found my wife otherwise and I’ll always be grateful. You are very lucky; I love France. You just need to remind them once in a while that if it were not for the United States, they would be speaking German.

    But, from the perspective of “what does this mean for me?” are you going to continue blogging? I hope you continue to write and let us know how things go.

    Paul

    Reply

    • Hello, Macgrooder! Funny that you should mention that because we’ve only had two terse moments and WWII was one. Don’t get me started or I’ll get pissed all over again, haha. I love France, too. I’ve had some spectacular times in that country.

      Yes, yes and absolutely I’ll continue to blog. I’ve been taking notes on ridiculous experiences I have with him that occur either because of cultural differences or language. Lots of material to write about. I also have many friends still out there digital dating and their stories are equally absurd so I can tell those. I love to blog and interacting with all of you. I would miss you too much! I appreciate the comment, Paul.

      Reply

  14. Congrats Melani! I too found love online and we’re celebrating our one year anniversary. I related to so many of your stories! Wishing you both every happiness. Enjoy this sweet spot in life.

    Reply

  15. Melani – like many of your devoted followers, I, too, have been wondering just “how” and “where” you have been &, oh, what a place you have been! In fact, I was just telling my brother about you & your blog last week – he is a widower and just entered the digital dating world 6 wks. ago after ending a LT relationship. Happy to say that he has connected with someone and she is a doll – they fit well together. Is it just damn easier for men?

    I reentered the digital dating scene a couple of months ago after a 2 yr. break – so far, the stories could be fodder for me to start my own blog. I decided to assign a “nom de plume” (e.g., blue tooth guy, earring guy, ugly feet guy, Longhorn guy) for each – it really does help the family & friends keep them separate. That being said, a southern gal must lean on that southern heroine, Scarlett O’Hara, and embrace her famous saying, “after all, tomorrow is another day.”

    So very happy for you, Melani! Congratulations and keep us posted on this new life adventure!!!!

    Karen

    Reply

    • Yes, I’ve been skulking around until sure this is the real deal, Karen. A woman has to be careful before making a big proclamation, haha. It sure seems easier for men. I was his first Tinder date after ending a LTR (a year ago). He dated others after our date, and I did too–including the married guy from the blog entry before this one. Maybe it’s because of the number of amazing single women out there?

      I like your pen names. 🙂 It has to help keep them straight. Oh, and you can’t go wrong with Scarlett. Although I was named after Melanie, I was told, “If I had known your personality, I would’ve named you Scarlett.” Thanks for the wonderful comment, Karen, and hang in there!

      Reply

  18. So nice to read this Melanie… Congrats to the both of you. Was he was giving you a “dare” with the pic answer? Good choice. lol

    Reply

    • No doubt it was a dare, teejay. He said I would get many blog hits with his pic but many more if I posted another part of his anatomy. That made me laugh. Thanks for asking and for your kind words!

      Reply

  19. I hope you french that Frenchie! I’m so happy, I think I’ll celebrate with french fries, french dressing, and french toast. I’m cultured!

    Reply

  20. Oh Melani! I’m so happy for you!! I was going through a year of online dating at 48 right alongside you! I read every post. I LOVE your blog. I laugh out loud every time we “talk.” He is a helluva lucky man!

    So it is possible to find true love on Tinder, eh??

    xoxo
    Susan

    Reply

    • Thank you so much, Susan! So happy to hear from you and that you’ve been my cyber partner in crime. I’ll be sure to let him know how lucky he is. 🙂 YES, it is possible to find love on Tinder. Thank you, again, for taking the time to comment!

      Reply

  21. Yabba Dabba Dooooooo!!!!! I am over the moon happy for you beautiful Melani!!! I’ve always known that it was just a matter of time…..you were one smart cookie to never give up hope and to always BELIEVE!!!

    He is a hottie for sure and one lucky man!!! I wish you both the best of everything from the bottom of my tender little heart!!!

    Ain’t love grand??!! 🙂

    Deb

    Reply

    • Deb, thank you so much for the fabulous message. YES, love is grand AND Patrice is a hottie. I know he enjoys hearing it, too. Your comment made my night, Deb. Thank you, again. 🙂

      Reply

  22. Great news, if anyone deserves this happiness it is you! Loved reading your bad date stories, will miss them. Or better yet, will buy the book!

    Reply

    • Thanks, Dovie! I won’t miss those bad date experiences but I’ll do my best to keep you entertained with other stories. I’ve got lots of material already. Thanks for mentioning the book, too! Editing now and publishing soon. 🙂

      Reply

  23. I just got myself up to date on your blog after discovering your emails have been going to my spam folder……She did it !! You deserve this so much!!! After all those frogs you ended up with a frog! (Hopefully you know that’s a term of endearment for French people). Please keep us informed because misery doesn’t just love company – we love to live vicariously (such as trips to Paris oui oui).

    Reply

    • Ha, thank you, Pam! He actually calls himself a “frog” and you’re right–I kissed many of the non-French variety. I will absolutely keep you informed. I have been taking notes for future blog posts. The language difference/accent have made for some hilarious situations that must be shared. Of course traveling to France with a native is on my list, too. Thanks for taking the time to write, Pam!

      Reply

  26. Have to say congratulations and are you moving too fast too soon? Hes at your house you’re at his house all in 8 weeks if read correctly? You did say two months? Maybe its best you lost your passport as absence does make the heart grow fonder

    Reply

    • No, we dated for two months and then became exclusive. At that point I began spending weekends in Chappaqua and he would stay with me in the city occasionally during the week. He travels extensively for his job so we take advantage of any opportunity to be together. Thanks for your concern, but after over 200 dates and almost nine years since a serious relationship, I’m anything but a fast mover. It’s been over four months now and it seems to be working. Thanks, too, for your congratulations. I’ve ordered a new passport and will be joining him in travel posthaste.

      Reply

  27. Melanie,
    Been reading your blogs for a while now, although I haven’t commented in a while. I am glad things are going well for you guys. I hope your man wasn’t in France during the attacks this weekend. Also hope that none of his family, friends, etc were affected. For some reason, when shit like that happens, you have extra gratitude that there is someone special in your life. Keep us in the loop!

    John

    Reply

    • Thank you for asking, John. No, he wasn’t in France and his family and friends are all OK. Shocked and devastated by the massacre, of course. That is so kind of you to think of him! Thank you, again.

      Reply

      • Just checked your blog, Melani, for the same reason – I was thinking about you and your significant other during these days of horror. Happy that you, him and his family are ok. The world is getting seriously f****d up 🙁

        Reply

        • Thank you SO much for your concern, Irina. I am so appreciative that you would think of us. Yes, sadly, the world is seriously fucked up.

          Reply

  28. Amazing news!!! You SO deserve this as all sparkling lively women do who despite disappointments still hope to meet that one guy.
    I would like to ask you two things. Do you think that in order to meet someone we over 50 gals have to switch to modern technology. I mean: apps, Tinder, Whatsapp etc… My problem is that I am so busy with my career that I have become a bit technologically challenged. I have heard from another much younger girl who also met her “beau” via an app and I start to feel that online dating (like in having a profile on a dating site is becoming “dated” (pun intended!). If learning to work with these new tools can open my world to new prospects then I guess I should take some time to upgrade myself. I hate to think that all the slobs are on dating sites and the really interesting men on an app.
    My second question: how old is your new man? I hope he is your age. Or younger. Not significantly older. Because I feel that once a woman is over 50 she often gets the message that she should just be happy with some guy in his mid- or late-sixties. I personally do not like big age differences especially not when the guy is older.
    Thank you in advance for your reaction, Melani, and I wish you many beautiful moments with your boyfriend.

    Reply

    • Thank you for your well wishes, TooSmart.

      Now, I’ll get down to business answering your questions.
      1. Yes, yes, yes, you should be on the latest and most popular digital dating option and that seems to be more apps than traditional online dating. The reason being that you always want to put yourself in a place to meet the most people. What’s hot is where they will be. That doesn’t mean you have to eliminate your online dating profile on a site. Just use it as a supplement, but focus on the most current and popular methodology.
      2. He is two years older. I set my age perimeters five years older or younger but I’m also flexible. Chemistry happens and age is irrelevant. I’ve never felt I had to date much older men. That doesn’t mean they haven’t tried and it also doesn’t mean that all men my age are looking for someone the same age. I’ve found that lots of men I’ve talked to–either professionally or otherwise–are looking for younger women. They’re not having tons of luck in that area, though.

      Thanks, again, for taking the time to comment!

      Reply

      • Yeah lots of our age are looking for younger women and they sure don’t all look like Georges Clooney (he’s not really my type). But indeed, not sure if these younger women want them.
        I could lie 10 years in my online profile if I wanted to. But I don’t want to lie. But it means that fewer men see my profile because they all put their maximum age at 49. Anyway I’ve taken a break from online dating right now, it was too frustrating. Now I just leave it up to coincidence…

        Reply

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