Melani Robinson

Author | 1 Year of Online Dating at 50

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She’s Back!

September 13, 2021 by Melani 18 Comments

Well, I’m sixty fucking years old.

60th birthday Cooper’s Beach, Southampton

Ten years ago, (TEN!) I started the blog, “One Year of Online Dating at 50” and chronicled 365 days of digital dating. Much has changed in the dating arena over the last decade. There are apps, social media dating such as via Facebook and amid a pandemic, virtual dating. People have fallen in love while Zooming with prospective partners/serial killers living a few blocks away—or even across the pond. 

BUT, as much as online dating has evolved, some things remain the same. There’s still a hell of a lot of misfits to weed through and don’t get me started on the Trumpers. They’re constantly skulking around liberal dating profiles, hiding their red hats and unvaccinated arms. My dating profile used to read, “If you voted for Trump, we are not compatible.” Even that didn’t stop some members of the crimson-lidded gang, so I added the three words guaranteed to make even his most ardent (and sneaky) supporters pump the brakes: 

#BlackLivesMatter

So, let’s catch up. What’s new? How’ve you been? Tell me everything. Heck, we were virtual before virtual friendships were cool—or, well, necessary to prevent the brutal experience of inflamed airways and then death by drowning in lung fluid (because there’s that).

I’d like to catch you up too. Much has happened—lots of good and some downright hellish, but that’s life, right? Let’s start with hellish. I was in NYC at the beginning of the pandemic, and it was terrifying. They knew very little about the virus when NYC was the epicenter. Sirens blared round the clock, and I knew what it meant for those inside the ambulances. Eight million people living on top of each other will create the perfect environment for an aerosolized disease and that virus was doing a happy dance in our city. While many residents escaped to second homes, I didn’t have one to run to and hunker down.

Throughout the pandemic, I was living in Harlem after moving from the Upper West Side, two years prior. My youngest daughter was headed back to nursing school, and I needed a roomier apartment with two bedrooms since we would be living together for the first time in a decade. I found what I thought was the perfect place in Harlem.

The Harlem neighborhood I moved to had several funeral homes and the blocks surrounding our apartment were some of the hardest hit in Manhattan. As the death toll climbed, I would see delivery trucks pull up and drop off caskets. There’s nothing more sobering than to see coffins stacked in rows, while funeral directors scrambled to find storage inside.

I was also in the middle of ongoing litigation with my new landlord.  Half of that fabulous apartment I rented didn’t have adequate heat. My daughter and I had spent our first winter absolutely freezing while fighting with the landlord as he claimed the frigid indoor temp was just in our minds. We eventually called the city, and he was cited multiple times, but even that didn’t motivate him to fix the problem which required properly insulating the basement level as well as replacing the boiler.  Expensive, for sure, but for shit’s sake, it was untenable otherwise. 

When I told a friend and former NYer that I was fighting my landlord and I’d hired attorneys, he said, “Cut your losses and leave. It will end up costing you more than you’ll spend on even the most expensive move. That’s what happened to me.”

I should’ve listened because once it was settled, I had spent more in attorney’s fees than the entire rent for a year and an expensive move combined. Sure, we might’ve technically been victorious as the judge believed we had inadequate heat, but in the end the anxiety we had, feeling under siege in that nightmarish living situation, took a toll on my daughter and me. Then, just as we were supposed to move out, the pandemic hit, and we were in lockdown.

Simply writing about that shit show has given me knot in my stomach, so let’s segue to the good stuff.  In 2018 I shared with you that I had created a scripted series based on the dating blog. For those who missed that post, the next two paragraphs below recap:

I have an insanely talented friend, Michael, who’s a screenwriter in LA. We’ve known each other since fifth grade. He doesn’t usually collaborate, and he told me that when I asked if he would be willing to work together to create a series. Then I begged, used a bit of “decades of friendship” guilt, pestered him some more, read: I was an imperial pain in the ass, until he finally agreed. 

5th Grade

We created the pilot script along with a bible, which is basically, a detailed character breakdown and where the story might go. My friend thought of a fabulous series title, “Broken Heals” and we registered it with WGA. Then not much happened. I don’t have many connections in that world and Michael moved forward with other projects he was in the midst of before he paused to work with me.  

Cue the Jeopardy music.

But wait! 

Pre-Covid another old friend, Lisa, I’ve known since my freshman year in HS, visited NYC with her sister, Laura, also my friend. We met for lunch. Lisa is a brilliant costume designer in LA (check out her latest project, “Malignant”). Anyway, my friend told me she and a group of other talented women had formed a production company. Each woman had a pet project she wanted to produce, mostly movies, but I asked if they had considered a series, and then told her about mine. She said she was open to reading the script. Lisa also said she’d be honest even if it was bad news. I was still stoked, and I sent her the pilot script immediately. 

And she liked it!

Lisa arranged a Zoom meeting that included another woman from the production company along with a potential (and impressive) showrunner. I thought I was pitching, so I began selling the series. A few minutes into my hard sell the showrunner stopped me and asked, “Do you think you’re pitching?” I awkwardly replied, “Um, I thought I was.” She said, “No, you don’t have to pitch. I’m in.” I thought my heart was going to explode from relief and pure joy.

 We needed money for series development and to shoot the pilot episode to sell to streaming. All those Hulu, Netflix, Prime “Originals” you watch, started exactly this way with an outside production company. 

Because I don’t happen to have $1.5 – 2 Million lying around, I began approaching potential investors. Many turned me down but with one avenue I pursued, it looked like it was going to happen. Then Covid hit, the stock market crashed, and investors got nervous. As much as it felt like a gut punch, I understood. Everything was so volatile, and there would be no return on the investment unless/until the project was sold. Obviously, most filming shutdown during the pandemic and there was no clear timeline of when it would resume.

I’m proud of the series premise and it’s about goddamn time we see women of a certain age as interesting, sensual, sexy, complex and full human beings. Paulina Porizkova, a supermodel, often writes about the invisibility of women, herself included, in the age demo “between JLo and Betty White.” Why is that?

It reminds me of the scene in “Something’s Gotta Give” when Harry (Jack Nicolson) accidentally saw Erica (Diane Keaton) naked. He acted like acid had been flung in his eyes. He was overweight and losing his hair and yet he was horrified by her body? Her body was amazing, and he should be so lucky, but we live in a world that reminds women every single day that aging faces and bodies are repulsive. Aging men, on the other hand, are still sex symbols and are often paired in television and movies, with women half their age. It’s insane.

 

If you have any doubt about how aging women are shamed, just say “menopause” in a conversation with a group of men and watch their body language. 

Erectile disfunction has been absolutely normalized. Hell, you can’t swing a dead cock without hitting an ad for the latest ED drug.

WHAT?

AND why, goddamnit, are there very few drugs on the market for menopause and research in women’s health and aging remains sparse too? Well, that’s because researchers have historically been men. That’s changing, gradually, but the more we talk about it and demand menopause be addressed plus NORMALIZED, the quicker women will have relief—and good sex. 

Meme by Marcie Jallali

By the way, who are these old dudes fucking? They can shwing through life with an on-demand hard-on, and yet the age-appropriate women, one hopes they’re intimate with, often suffer from untreated vaginal wall thinning, vaginal dryness (atrophied vagina) and low libido. For a woman experiencing these symptoms it often means going to several doctors including female OB-GYNs to try to find a solution. It’s insane and I won’t even get into the struggle to find someone to prescribe hormone replacement therapy that isn’t the one size fits all estrogen patch, especially on the East Coast. It’s as if doctors are in cahoots with Hollywood. “Hey, babe, your lady parts have expired. You’re officially irrelevant. 

This mindset is exactly what “Broken Heals” will address bluntly, clearly and through a main character who refuses to allow anyone to tell her she’s no longer sexy, sensual or interesting. “Melanie” knows exactly what she has to offer and is as comfortable getting naked as she is in her unabashed desire to have all the steamy sex her hormonally-normalized WAP can handle.

There’s no other series like this AND it’s about time. 

Prior to Covid, streaming services had allocated billions for new content. Now that we’ve all Netflixed and chilled for the last 18 months, there’s an even higher demand for new stuff and more money allocated to buy it. 

Lastly, after a ten-year break from blogging about my dates, I’m ready to do it again. “One Year of Online Dating at 50” was a lot of work, and the content I created was done without getting paid—it actually cost me money to blog. I was trying to build a following, hone my writing skills and make a name for myself, all of which I succeeded in doing. I had little confidence as a writer when I began a decade ago, but I do know my worth now.

I hope you’ll support my work through my Patreon page (click here) now that I’m back to dishing the dirt. I have many stories to tell you, each as ridiculous as the next and it hasn’t been just the men I’ve dated. I’ve been a complete asshole as well. I promise you won’t be disappointed. I’ll post the beginning of new blog posts here and if you’re supporting my work through Patreon, you’ll receive the whole enchilada. Beyond the new dating stories, each month I will also rerelease popular blog posts from “One Year.” There are currently three of those popular posts on my Patreon page. If you can’t afford to subscribe, I get it, we’ve all been there but please reach out to me privately via “Contact Melani” and we’ll work something out. In the meantime, buckle up. I’ve got some stories to tell and the first one, coming this week, is a doozy.

“A woman my age isn’t supposed to be attractive or sexually appealing. I just get kinda tired of that.”

Kathleen Turner

It’s An Energy Thing

January 30, 2018 by Melani 2 Comments

Meet Sulimon and listen as he describes what he’s looking for in a woman. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with appearance.

Sulimon shares he once had a recording contract so if you would like to hear more of his music, beyond the song included in the podcast, you can find him on Spotify and iTunes (Sulimon Balogun).

To listen to the podcast on iTunes click HERE.

To listen to the podcast from this website, click HERE.

Here’s wishing Suli finds a woman with just the right energy because he deserves every happiness.

PS-My podcast editor said, “Oh my god there was so much sexual tension between you!”

Hello, Old Friends

January 3, 2018 by Melani 12 Comments

Happy New Year!

I thought it would be a good time to reach out via the blog and check in. I know you hear from me with each Single Because Podcast episode, but I’m in need of this sort of contact with all of you.

I’ve been on and off dating apps over the last year. I’ve even had a few experiences that have gone beyond a date or two. Alas, in the words of U2, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. It’s not for lack of trying, though.

Who am I kidding? Here’s the truth, I’ve been half-assing it most of the time, even with men who might be mistaken for the models on the over-50 dating site ads.

Sometimes it’s just a boatload of aggravation getting dressed up, applying makeup and then squeezing into fucking shapewear to make small talk with a stranger. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to look across the table at a gorgeous man, and I’ve  dated quite a few lately. But, here’s what I’ve discovered and it’s likely because of my age:

It’s not enough.

Now, I don’t mean it’s not enough long-term, what I’m saying is a pretty face won’t cut it even for the casual horizontal hula. Sex just isn’t fulfilling if the person doesn’t grab me—and by grab, I mean all of me. I need smarts, humor and someone with an interesting life. A little swagger doesn’t hurt either. Sheesh, I’m not asking for the moon. All right, the section of my dating profile that states, “Must have given a TED Talk and, don’t try to squeak by with TEDx,” might seem, um, delusional to some.

C’est la vie!

Kill me now.

I’ve also found I would rather focus on my writing. Coupling up just isn’t as important as it once was. I often feel that I’m living my life backward and when I hear people my age speak of retirement I can’t help but shudder.

I married and had my daughters quite young, got divorced, raised them and worked a job I enjoyed but it wasn’t my passion. It was satisfying enough and it paid the bills.

Then, I had a great big beautiful love and was widowed—all by the time I was 45. I didn’t have my twenties to find myself, act irresponsibly then begin to establish a career that was based on work I loved. I’ve only had that for the last eight years and I still haven’t really accomplished anything, dammit! Well, maybe the irresponsible part, just a bit.

I want professional success and that’s really where I’ve been laser-focused. I finished the book about my year of online dating. I’ve sent it out to agents and small publishing houses not requiring an agent submission, but haven’t had much interest. I’ll keep trying and may eventually self-publish if I can’t sell the darn thing.

I worked with a friend of mine, Michael, a talented screenwriter who’s had an amazing career and worked for several major studios. Together, we created a scripted series based on the blog and book. Michael was a wonderful teacher as we wrote the pilot script and bible and although he’s not one for collaborating, he was kind enough to make an exception. The series, a dramedy, is made for streaming services or cable (lots of swearing).  It is called, “Broken Heals” and we’d love to find an audience.

I’ve also been writing a memoir based on the two years my husband and I lived in Russia called, “Mudderland.” Since I had a crash course in screenwriting and wasn’t sure how much I’d retain, I went ahead and created a scripted series, a comedy, based on the book that I’m still in the process of writing. This is a comedy because our life in Russia is a ridiculous gift that keeps on giving–if one is writing about it after the fact instead of living in the craziness, of course. I have the pilot script and series bible finished. “Mudderland” is another project I would love to sell. It’s hard (some have told me impossible) to sell these projects as an unknown, and that’s exactly what I am. If I could finagle a way to get the right eyes on either or both, who knows what might happen? I’m not sure how, but I’m going to keep pushing. With all the female-driven work finally getting attention through people like Reece Witherspoon and her Hello Sunshine production company, all it takes is one person to read it and believe it’s a story that should be told.

So now you know all that’s going on in my life–lots of work and very little lust. BUT, I’m happy and busy and I’m feeling fulfilled. Not as content as I would be if I could actually figure out a way to support myself with my work–but I’m doing everything I can to get there.

I was recently in a DatingAdvice.com article, and if you’re interested, you can read it HERE. It was an unexpected and wonderful surprise and while you’re there, check out the site. DatingAdvice.com is the leading web authority on dating and an excellent resource.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday and New Year. I don’t know about you but I was glad to put 2017 in the rearview mirror. I haven’t slept through the night in over a year. As my grandmother used to say, “Every night I’m up and down like a whore at a picnic.” The cause of my insomnia is clear: the fucking nightmare that is Donald Trump and his insane administration. I never thought I’d worry about nuclear war. I can’t even get out of bed without looking at Twitter. I need to know what that lunatic will destroy next.

*takes a deep cleansing breath*

Here’s wishing everyone peace,  joy and restful sleep in 2018. What’s new with you? Feel free to dish some dirt in the comments section. I always love hearing about your lives.

PS: I’ve really missed you.

Melani

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Seat at Her Table

December 18, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Meet Steph and listen as she talks about the work she’s done to finally feel comfortable in her own skin.  Steph shares her struggles with low self-esteem, but more specifically how living with Poland syndrome, a rare disorder, that has impacted her relationships in the past. Listen as she describes what she’s done to avoid making the same mistakes in her current relationship.

 

Click HERE to listen via iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Please: Rate, Review and Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

See you again in 2018!

 

Her Second Act

October 4, 2017 by Melani 3 Comments

Meet Donna and listen as she talks about the circumstances led her to the second act in her life. One she never saw coming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Don’t forget to RATE, REVIEW and SUBSCRIBE on iTunes. As you know–it matters.

Young Guy Old School

July 3, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Meet Keith and listen as he tells us how his generation (and dating) isn’t what it used to be.

Keith has an old-fashioned view of dating, yet as a millennial living in New York City, he feels forced to use technology in the search for love.

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

This will be the last podcast until September. I’m taking the rest of the summer to polish the book about my year of online dating. I’m also working on a new book, a memoir, about two Americans living in Russia. I’m calling it, “Mudderland” and I think the subject matter is rather timely, right?

If you haven’t already subscribed to the podcast or blog, I hope you’ll do so either from this website or on iTunes. If you subscribe, you’ll be notified when new podcast episodes air in the fall. You can also follow along on the Single Because Podcast Facebook Page or my Facebook Page. You can also follow me on Twitter if you can stand that all I do is bitch about Trump. Ugh, maybe he’ll be gone soon and I can get some sleep.

Have a wonderful summer filled with love and seriously lustful sex. Light a candle for me in that area, please!

As always I hope you’ll take the time to rate and review on iTunes. It doesn’t take long and it means a lot to me.

 

You Talkin’ To Me?

May 2, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

I’m sharing a story from long ago about a guy named Chuck. It’s from the blog 1yearofonlinedatingat50.com where I chronicled a fairly disastrous year of digital dating. I ask guests on the podcast to share personal and often embarrassing stories.  It’s only fair that I occasionally do the same. For the record, I always changed the names of the men I wrote about. I would modify other details too such as where they lived or worked to be sure nobody they knew would recognize them. I didn’t seek to humiliate anyone but sometimes, given the level of crazy, it might’ve happened. Just the facts and this one is embarrassing and, um, dirty. Very dirty.

I want to thank those of you that have taken the time to Rate, Review and Subscribe on iTunes. If you haven’t written a review I hope you’ll do so. Based on stats there are about 10,000 regular listeners who’ve not yet done so. Come on, show me some love.

Click HERE to listen from iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from this website.

What’s In A Name?

April 3, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Listen as Jackie tells her story of transformation from the insecure “Little Korean Girl” to the powerful and confident woman she is today. Was it all because she changed her name?

Jackie talks about her evolution and the winding path she took to reach a place where she could embrace everything about herself, flaws and all. She was comfortable with the possibility that she would never find love or get married. Of course, that was when she met her soulmate and knew it something different–a love that would last a lifetime.

You’ll find more photos of Jackie and her fiancé, on the podcast show notes page.

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Be sure to RATE and REVIEW on iTunes. Over 10K of you are here every month and yet I have a small number of reviews. Reviews make it possible to approach sponsors and will allow me to continue to provide entertainment to you–free of charge. It’s important as every podcast or blog post I do costs money. Many podcasters use patron funding platforms such as Patreon instead of corporate sponsors. Let me know your opinion. Should I ask listeners to help? I’ve never attempted to monetize my work, but I think it is time.

The Wedding Planner

March 9, 2017 by Melani 3 Comments

Meet Jesse and listen as she tells us her story of searching for the right guy in New York City. Oh, and she’s a wedding planner whose professional life is spent creating the perfect day for happy couples, while she navigates the (often discouraging) dating scene in NYC. Yikes, talk about an occupational hazard, right? 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

 

Be sure to Rate, Review and Subscribe on iTunes. 

Episode 5: Many Thoughts Little Time

November 16, 2016 by Melani Leave a Comment

joelpicMeet Joel, a single, 36-year-old man living near Philly. He tells us about his struggle to have a successful relationship. There are lots and lots and lots of reasons!

Click HERE to listen from this site.

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

 

I don’t ask much but I would be very grateful if you would rate and review the podcast on iTunes and here’s why. Podcasts with lots of good reviews and rating attract sponsors. With sponsors I can continue to provide you with free entertainment. Producing this podcast costs money and it’s not cheap. I know some of you struggled to find the Rating and Reviews section of iTunes. Here’s how you do it:

  1. Got to this LINK:

2. Once there, clink on the blue “View in iTunes” button on the left.

screen-shot-2016-11-16-at-11-27-50-am

3. Once in iTunes you’ll see three tabs at the top. Click on the “Ratings and Reviews” tab.

screen-shot-2016-11-16-at-11-30-25-am

4. Below on the left you’ll find the “Write a Review” button. Click on that and share the love.

Thank you in advance. It matters!

Single Because Podcast is Live

October 12, 2016 by Melani 10 Comments

single-because-podcast_final_lores

Yay, it’s here!

Single Because: True Stories of Love, Dating and Other Misadventures

Here’s what it’s all about:

Single Because…features true stories about the reasons behind a person’s single status. Host Melani Robinson digs deep with guests to get to the heart of their heart while seeking humor in the absurdity that often accompanies love (or lack thereof).

You’ll meet Rick in the first episode: 

Captain Save a Ho 

Rick knows how to tell a story and his colorful dating history has left him with great ones. Vibrators, older women, unexpected drugs, multiple engagements, bad kissers–and he’s just getting warmed up.

Click HERE to listen to the show on iTunes. While you’re there, please subscribe to the show and if you think it’s worthy give it 5 stars and a nice review. It’s important and it doesn’t take much time. 

Check out the Podcast tab on melanirobinson.com for show notes and photos of Rick. If you have an interesting reason behind your single status, shoot me an email at:

singlebecausepodcast@gmail.com.

Shout out to Steve Multner for the fantastic cartoon in the Single Because logo. To see more of Steve’s work, click here.

My name is Melani Robinson and I’m a writer/blogger, and online dating expert living in New York City on the Upper West Side. READ MORE

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