Melani Robinson

Author | 1 Year of Online Dating at 50

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Kate

July 19, 2022 by Melani 8 Comments

My beloved dog, Kate, has died. For almost 18 years she was my companion and huge source of joy. Kate was the smartest dog I’ve ever had and her ability to anticipate what I wanted, and then do it before I asked, constantly amazed me.

She was our dog, Neal’s and mine–and he wasn’t a dog person–but there was something about Kate that touched his heart. Losing Kate also feels a bit like losing Neal again. She was the last thing we still shared. 

Kate had a big life. She lived in Russia, Toronto, Las Vegas and New York City. She traveled with me all over the country. She even met Cesar Millan. She was quietly powerful. I watched her many times stop a big dog in his or her tracks with just a look. She was also the fun police. Canine shenanigans should be kept to a minimum and if things got too enthusiastic, Kate corrected the offending partier. She had an unlikely friendship with my daughter’s pug, Lola. They were opposites in every way but truly BFFs. Since Kate’s death I’ve spent time imagining the reunion of Lola and Kate. Lola died almost a year ago. My daughter said, “Lola will show Kate the ropes for about two minutes and then Kate will take over.”

Nigel, my terrier didn’t make a move without glancing at Kate for approval. He’s lost without her now.

She died at home after her last walk of the day. Her tired heart just gave out. I took her body from the sofa and moved her to the floor so Nigel would understand. He sniffed her mouth and then settled next to me. The day after Kate’s death, I found Nigel exactly where I had placed her body.

I loved that little dog fiercely and she would have walked through fire for me. She was the first thought I had each morning and her comfort was my last thought each night as she moved about the bed shifting her old bones until she found a position that worked. This hole in my heart can never be filled. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. And I so hope there’s something beyond this life. If that place exists, my loyal girl is there, waiting patiently for me. 

The story below was originally posted on the 1 Year of Online dating at 50 blog. It was not about dating; it was about Kate. It was the most popular entry and had the greatest number of comments. I’m posting it again to honor my sweet girl. 

A Love Story (2012-05-14 21:17)

This is not another tale of online dating perils. This is a love story. The purest I’ve ever told. 

After the experience I had, it is necessary to pay homage to two big loves of mine–NYC and Kate. 

A person must really want to live in this city. It tests even the most tenacious. Nothing is easy. Absolutely nothing. It’s freakishly expensive, crowded and dirty. People are harried, lines are long, and privacy is nonexistent. There’s little time for the niceties that might accompany a life in other locales. Sometimes manners are forgotten. That’s why visitors often get the impression that New Yorkers are a cold, unwelcoming bunch. I know I felt that way when I first arrived. 

Slowly I’ve learned to understand this place brimming with a rhythmic modus to the madness. I finally moved like I belonged. I’ve experienced the kindness of strangers often. Over and over, I’ve witnessed people helping others when it would’ve been easier to keep moving. This story is the perfect example. 

Now, to Kate.

I adopted her just after my husband (Neal) and I were married. She was a puppy mill rescue, a designer dog, hybrid mix of Pomeranian and Toy American Eskimo, I was told. In other words, Kate was a mutt.

The last thing we needed was a puppy at a time when we were determined to live the least complicated life possible. “Simple” was the word we used to describe what we were seeking. Neal was in remission after a year and a half of chemo and then surgery for esophageal cancer he’d been diagnosed with. His odds of living beyond five years were 11% and even if he did make it past that five-year mark, his oncologist told him that his life expectancy would surely be shortened by the toll on his body from the aggressive nature of the treatment. Our four children were either independent or very close to being on their own and we looked forward to enjoying our newfound freedom and felt we’d earned it.

BUT, there was something about that little dog that I found irresistible. She sat quietly on one side of the pen while the other puppies, of various breeds, rolled around playing as baby dogs do. She studied their behavior inquisitively but with no interest in participating. When I held her, she was timid and wouldn’t make eye contact. She started shaking the moment I picked her up. Who knows what experiences she’d already had with a start in a puppy mill? 

I took her home, named her Kate and prepared for Neal’s reaction. 

My dogs had always slept on my bed. Neal abhorred dog hair and bought lint rollers in bulk. I rattled off these statements as he looked on with disapproval:
Kate will sleep in her crate. 

I will take full responsibility for her care.

She will be well-behaved.

I love her and she deserves a life no longer filled with fear.

It was the last statement that got to him. 

That first night, as we got ready for bed, I put Kate in her crate and she began whimpering.  Knowing Neal was a light sleeper, I apologized and told him to ignore it. I assured him she would become accustomed to her kennel. The whimpering continued, but I could sleep through a building implosion, and drifted off immediately. The next morning, a fluffy black and white ball was curled up next to me. 

“It was cruel of you to let her cry. She’s in a strange place and scared,” Neal said, and Kate never slept in her crate again. 

When Neal accepted a position in Russia, Kate went too. She didn’t make a sound in the cabin on that flight. Her eyes never left me from her carrier under the seat. I was her person.

“I go, you go.” I told her as we boarded that plane and many more throughout the years. 

Russia had a horrible stray dog problem. On the first morning, Neal leashed Kate and took her outside where a pack of strays (living outside our apartment) charged and attacked her. He had to kick them off Kate and thankfully she was unharmed. 

“Those fucking dogs attacked her,” Neal bellowed as he threw open the door to our apartment. His face was ashen and he told me I shouldn’t unpack because we were likely leaving Russia. He called it a “hellhole.” 

Kate was fearful every time we exited the building. She looked to me for reassurance as we got in the elevator. “You’re alright,” I told her. 

I quickly made friends with the stray dogs, using food. Kate was never attacked again. 

When Neal’s cancer returned after two years in Russia, we came back to the states for what would be his final months. After his death, I had what I’ve since learned was complicated grief. 

The sounds a grieving person makes can be primal and Kate’s body would shake but she never left my side. She knew instinctively I was in excruciating pain and I needed her comfort.

After two years of crippling bereavement, I was finally able to began seeking ways to create the new life I never wanted. I drove cross-country from Las Vegas to the New York City to start over, with Kate by my side. We hit a stretch of torrential rain In Illinois like I’d never experienced before or since. Kate was terrified and kept her eyes glued to me while I did my best to keep the car on the road. 

“You’re okay…We’re okay,” I said in the most soothing tone I could muster. I was terrified too. 

After a few years, Kate was a city dog. The sounds of the streets: horns, jackhammers, sirens that once panicked her became routine as we made our way to Central Park each morning. Dogs were allowed off leash in the early morning and owners trekked through the park as their canines ran, sniffed and chased squirrels. It was always quite a sight to see dozens of them enjoying the freedom that was often missing from a city pet’s life. I adopted Nigel, a Norwich Terrier, as a companion for Kate and we became a three member pack. 

Mother’s Day 2012 began with brunch with my daughters at Sarabeth’s, my favorite UWS brunch spot.

The remainder of the day was filled with the stuff my girls and I often did together on weekends. They brought their laundry to my apartment and then we went to Trader Joe’s. They even helped me pick up a new coffee table I’d ordered at CB2 and circled the block in my car until I came out dragging the huge box. I gave them the coffee table I’d replaced and when it was time to leave for their shared Midtown flat, we propped my apartment door open and made several trips to the elevator. I told Kate and Nigel to stay and didn’t give them another thought as we struggled with large laundry bags, groceries and the table. Once they were gone, I stretched out on the sofa and called a friend. Thirty minutes later a call beeped in from the front desk. 

“Do you know Kate’s in the elevator?” Pedro, the building doorman asked. There was a camera in the elevator and activity was monitored on the front desk computer. “She’s coming down with a delivery guy.” 

“What? I’ll be right down.”

I ran to the elevator and called Pedro again. “Do you have her?” 

“No, she just ran out. I should’ve closed the door. I’ll try to catch her.” 

I was frantic during that fifteen-floor descent. A dog off leash and alone on city streets was going to die.

I ran out of the building looking for Pedro, but couldn’t find him. I started screaming Kate’s name as I ran down my block. 

Pedro called and was breathing hard as he said, “I tried to catch her, but she crossed Broadway and Amsterdam and ran up 72nd past Gray’s Papaya. She’s headed toward the park.”

That seemed impossible. My dog had crossed those streets and survived? The traffic was brutal, and pedestrians were regularly hit by cars at that intersection. How did she do it?  

I raced to 72nd Street, screaming her name and yelling to anyone who passed, “Did you see a black and white dog?” 

Most said no but one guy yelled as I passed him, “She ran down Columbus and crossed over at 71st towards Central Park. Nobody could catch her; she was really moving.”

 I was hysterical and hyperventilating as I called my daughters while running. I told them to get in a cab to Central Park. 

Once in the park I continued yelling her name. I asked people if they’d seen a black and white dog. Most had not but one woman told me she had seen two men on bikes trying to catch her. That was not good news. I knew she’d keep running if she was being chased. 

My daughters arrived quickly and we worked as a team. They went one way and I the other calling for Kate. A NYC Park employee, Jamie Warren, stopped me and volunteered to radio other employees to keep an eye out. 

“Tell them if they see her to be calm and call her to them. If they try to grab her, she’ll be gone.”

“Would she come to your voice even from a car?” Jamie asked, and I told her I believed Kate would. 

Jamie was done working for the day but instead of wishing me luck, she volunteered to drive me around the park so I could call Kate from her car. “I’m a dog lover, I’ll do anything to help,” she said. 

It was beginning to get dark as we headed in the opposite direction of my daughters. I yelled Kate’s name from the car window and we only stopped to ask the people if they’d seen my dog. Every single person we spoke to said they’d stay in the park and help search for Kate. One man was on a bike. He told us he’d talked to my daughters and once he heard that our dog was loose, he took his dog home, grabbed his bike and flashlight and came back to the park to help search. 

An hour later, we had not found her and at that point I didn’t know what to do. Kate was micro-chipped and had a tag on her collar. I prayed that someone would find her and call. I thought we should continue to search on foot through the more remote areas of the park. The girls had already been through the bramble around the lake near 72nd Street.  A dicey place for sure after dark. Jamie told us that was not a safe thing to do. 

“I’ll drive you around long as you want, but don’t go on foot. She’s in the best city for lost dogs. Someone will find her. New Yorkers love their pets.” I knew I could never leave the park without Kate and began formulating a plan. My cell rang from an unknown number while I was strategizing and after saying hello, I heard this beautiful sentence. “Hey, we have your dog.” It was a man named Kevin calling. He was a doorman at The Plaza Hotel. 

Kate with Kevin

Of course, Kate went to the Plaza Hotel!

Where else would my dog go? 

Jamie immediately took us to the Plaza in her Parks and Rec vehicle. There we found Kate inside the doorman booth, curled up on a plush dog bed. Next to her was a bowl of kibble and another of water. Both were served in pristine silver bowls, because, duh. How else would nourishment be proffered at the Plaza? 

Kate’s eyes were glazed over, her body was limp from exhaustion, but she was safe. 

I then realized why she’d made her way to that location. When we were moving the stuff to the elevator she slipped out and I hadn’t noticed. She enjoyed going down a separate hallway on the other side of the elevators to sniff my neighbors’ doors. She knew we were loading things into the elevator and my daughters were leaving. Once she heard the elevator close and I wasn’t in the hallway, she thought I had gone too. Meanwhile I was in my apartment and had not realized she was gone. When a delivery person brought food to one of my neighbors, she rode the elevator down to the lobby. She was going to find me. 

Kate and I often walked from the Upper West Side to my daughters’ Midtown apartment. We would cut through Central Park and come out on the east side of the park near the corner of Fifth Avenue and Central Park South. Once there we would walk past the Plaza to cross Fifth Avenue at 58th Street. 

Kate knew that route well as we had walked it dozens of times. 

Once I had Kate in my arms, the girls returned to their apartment and Jamie drove me to my building. 

Pedro greeted me with, “Thank God!” He told me he’d come close to being hit by a taxi while chasing Kate. His knee buckled as he bolted after her. What a guy.

Pedro and Kate

That night I saw the best in New Yorkers–strangers and those I knew. 

My seriously fierce daughters who searched the park because they loved her, but also knew that losing Kate was something I would never recover from. 

The strangers on the street who helped rescue a lost dog. 

The man who went home for his bike and flashlight. 

Pedro, the best doorman in the city.

The guys on their bikes who tried to catch her.

The people in the park walking their dogs who stayed and keep looking. 

Kevin, from The Plaza who finally caught her.

AND the greatest park employee in the world, Jamie Warren. 

Kate crossed some of the busiest streets in the city: Amsterdam, Broadway, Columbus, Central Park West and Central Park South. She crossed the park from west to east and came out on Fifth Avenue. How did she survive? 

I’ve spent lots of time complaining about the idiosyncrasies of New York City. I’ve certainly griped about the men I’ve met here, the exorbitant cost of living and the inconvenience of absolutely everything, but there’s no better place to live. It truly is the greatest city in the world.

One final note: Pedro, Kevin and Jamie received the maître d’s handshake in gratitude, because although I consider myself a New Yorker, there will always be a little Vegas in me.  

“A good dog never dies. He always stays. He walks beside you on crisp autumn days when frost is on the fields and winter’s drawing near. His head is within our hand in his own way.” -Mary Carolyn Davies  

Modern Love!

April 29, 2022 by Melani 31 Comments

I have read The New York Times  “Modern Love” column for at least a decade. The writing is consistently beautiful, and the stories, each unique, have a magical ability to take the reader to places she or he might not normally trek. It has been one of my writing goals to have an essay published in “Modern Love.” 

A writing professor of mine called the column, “the toughest writing gig around.” 

Writer K. Nicole Whitaker stated, “It seems the holy grail of essay writing about love is the New York Times ‘Modern Love’ column.”

The rejection rate of a “Modern Love” submission is 99.5%.

The “Modern Love” editor, Daniel Jones, has said, “It is easier to get into Harvard twenty times than into the ‘Modern Love’ column.”

I’ve submitted several essays over the last ten years. All were rejected. 

UNTIL NOW!

I’m walking on air and can hardly believe I can now share with you: 

“From Russia With Mixed Feelings”

Any Fantasy in a Storm

February 18, 2022 by Melani 1 Comment

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling a bit blue lately. Not a serious, deep depression but more a just-under-the-surface malaise or maybe melancholy. I understand the source of this—the pandemic—but in that understanding, there’s also no end in sight. 

I know, I know. Fauci has said we’re getting there but I’m not so old that I’ve forgotten the Hot Vax Summer that never was. I was looking forward to it if you must know. Lots of middle-aged casual sex with other vaxholes like me bragging about our double shot status because, well, you know, that’s sexy as hell. 

It was during that early Covid period that the highlight of my day was a phone call from a man I’d met only once for a date before the world shut down. I still cringe when I think about that date in early March 2020, unmasked, in a bar so crowded and noisy one had to yell to be heard. An entire fucking enclosed space of yelling close-talkers, potentially shedding covid droplets at a greater rate than if we were all using our inside voices. 

My date, Ted, was gorgeous. The sort of handsome that one might find modeling on the Brooks Brothers website. Tall, fit, with thick grey hair I had the urge to run my fingers through. He wore jeans, a cashmere sweater and what I believe were Tod’s boots.

Ted was clever. When I described a friend’s recent turmoil with her boyfriend and then her mother he said, “That’s not real life, that’s a Tennessee Williams play.” 

You can read the rest of this post on my Patreon Page. Click here to subscribe.

Manifesto II

December 3, 2021 by Melani Leave a Comment

…one night Mike was in the city having dinner with friends and he called me when leaving the restaurant. “I want to kiss you,” he said and then asked, “Can I drive to your apartment, and will you meet me outside?” He knew I lived with my youngest daughter and visiting me late at night would not be acceptable. 

“Uh, no. I’m in bed with my faced washed and my pjs on.” 

I’m not sure why I didn’t want him to drive by? I love spontaneity and it was a romantic gesture. He wasn’t aiming for a booty call, he just wanted to kiss me. I regret not allowing that to happen. 

Mike invited me to his home in Westchester when he knew I was driving back from visiting a friend in MA. He knew I would go right by his house on the drive home. I declined that offer too. 

Finally, many months later, he came into the city for the night and asked if I would meet him for dinner. He looked great and it was clear he’d been working out. He was still stout, it was his body type, but I like stout. During our meal at a tapas restaurant, he mentioned how much he liked me and how easy it was to talk. He complimented me on the way I was dressed and mentioned he loved my hands. He said he’d forgotten that I had beautiful hands, a bit later he talked about our first date and how quickly we ended up in bed. He said it was “really good sex” too. 

“Yeah, not really,” I replied, and he belly laughed. I laughed too…

You can read the rest of the story by supporting my work through my Patreon Page. Click here to head there now. This was a hard story to tell. One I never thought I would share, but I think it’s important for you to know it’s not always stories about rejecting men.

The Manifesto

November 16, 2021 by Melani Leave a Comment

I called it the “____Manifesto,” and the blank line was his name. Which, in hindsight, was probably the wrong descriptor when hoping to appear stable–and sane.

OK, let me explain. I wanted wanted to start off with humor and then pivot immediately to baring my soul. It was done spontaneously and that’s normally not my style. 

BUT, I’m getting way ahead of myself, so let’s start from the beginning. 

When I finished the dating blog I was completely burned out. I had been on a roller coaster of dates for a year and desperately needed a break. I took myself offline and figured I’d go old school dating for a spell. I think I went on two or three dates in that year, post blog. I’d been on over 100 the previous 365. 

Once I was two years beyond the blog, I finally got back online. I joined Bumble and Tinder and a year later, Mark showed up on Bumble. I try to avoid dating writers because overall they’re fucking weird. OK, not ALL men who write are wacky, but many I met through classes or workshops were as unpredictable as a sprayed cockroach. But, there was something about his two word profile that piqued my interest. 

Writer. Gentleman. 

Head over to Patreon and subscribe for the rest of the story. This was a difficult one to write because, well, feelings. CLICK HERE for my Patreon page and if you can’t afford to subscribe, reach out to me and we’ll work something out.

The Musician: Part Deux

September 30, 2021 by Melani 2 Comments

We made our way to the parking garage and SUV Jack had rented. When he opened the back there was little room for my small suitcase and carry-on bag because Jack’s cumbersome (and hideous and filthy and beat to shit) bags were haphazardly strewn throughout most of the space. The fact that he had ugly luggage provides little relevance to this story and didn’t really matter to me at the time, but I pretended to be horrified, “Oh…wow…that’s…really something,” I said, as I squeezed my rollaboard into to the space. Have I mentioned I can be condescending when irritated? 

We were at In-N-Out in less than two minutes and I quickly had food in my stomach. I sipped the last bit of chocolate shake and feeling satiated, I reached across the table, squeezed Jack’s hand and said, “I know it was a little tense in the airport. Can we start over?” Jack seemed relieved as he smiled and nodded yes. 

At the hotel we headed to the front desk and I asked Jack if he was able to book rooms with balconies. He told me he’d spoken to the front desk manager “personally” and she was adamant that none were available. I asked if he minded if I tried. 

“It’s a waste of time,” Jack replied. 

“Will it bother you if I try?” I asked again. 

“Go ahead,” Jack said, and I saw a smaller version of that airport grimace.  

I’ve found that being polite and friendly sometimes works. Let’s just say that when we walked out of the lobby, one of the two rooms had a balcony.

Unfortunately, it was Jack’s. My room had an unexpected late checkout and had not been cleaned and Jack took the available room because he had about an hour of gig logistic calls to make.  

Back at the car, Jack struggled with his hodge-podge of bags—two were HUGE. I easily took mine, my carry-on and then reached in to take two of Jack’s smaller bags. They were clearly holding his instruments. 

“Don’t touch those!” He snapped, panting from exertion and then followed with, “Or be very careful. Only I handle them.”

“I don’t let anyone carry my computer bag, so I’ll leave them here.”  

“You can take them. Just be very, very careful.” 

Do you get irritated when someone speaks to you like a child? 

Yep, me too. 

You can read the rest on my Patreon Page. Click HERE. As a preview there’s a night of too many martinis that caused embarrassing behavior and lots of oversharing. Again, if you can’t afford to subscribe, please let me know.

The Musician

September 21, 2021 by Melani 2 Comments

Although Jack was not the sort of guy I typically swiped right on, there was something about his Bumble profile that got my attention. It certainly wasn’t his pics. His blurb was cleverly written with pithy humor and good sentence structure. 

“Never Underestimate the Appeal of Good Sentence Structure” should probably be printed on t-shirts. 

Sure, Jack was shorter than the height I preferred (5’10” or taller) and he kind of resembled an old timey comedian whose name I couldn’t recall, but I threw prudence to the cyclone as my swiping finger said, “What the hell.”

It was an instant match, as Jack had already swiped right on me (love when that happens). Bumble is often referred to as “Feminist Tinder.” Only women initiate the conversation and have 24 hours to do so, or the match disappears. Obviously, that’s only for straight dating. With same sex Bumble dating, either person can make the first move. 

I sent him my standard initial message:

Hi, Jack! Lovely to connect. I enjoyed your profile and look forward to learning more about you. What are you up to today?

Jack replied immediately and we texted back and forth for a bit. He lived in NYC but was travelling for the next six weeks for work. Jack, a professional musician, had several gigs across the country, but at that moment was on the West Coast. For the next several weeks, our contact would be strictly digital. That was disappointing. I hate to waste time with perpetual texting when one face to face meeting will likely tell me all I need to know. Do we have that illusive chemistry? 

I know. Relationship experts often advise singletons to go on several dates before deciding if it is a match, but that has never worked for me. I’m either getting naked with him in my mind, or not, and there isn’t much wiggle room. I’m not saying I want to have sex with him on the first date, not that there’s anything wrong with that. What I’m there to discover is if I can imagine myself eventually cat-walking toward a man in my birthday suit.  

Repeatedly texting via Bumble grows old quickly and Jack and I almost immediately transitioned to messaging through our cell numbers. He was quick and entertaining which made me laugh often. I’m a sucker for a man who can crack me up. After several exchanges, Jack suggested a phone conversation and I happily agreed. 

I don’t know about you, but voices are important to me. It’s not that I expect everyone to sound like a radio DJ, but I’m looking for a committed relationship and that means potentially listening to that voice for a long time—maybe the rest of my life. I had better be able to stand the sound of it. Jack’s voice on that first call, well, sounded something like this. 

Ok, maybe not that extreme, but enough like Truman Capote: nasally, with a bit of a lisp, that at first, I thought he was pretending.

He wasn’t.

Then he said something ridiculously funny, seriously inappropriate and I belly laughed. Could I get beyond that voice, I wondered? 

The rest is available on my Patreon Page. Again, if you cannot afford to support my work through Patreon, I get it. We’ve all been there. Reach out to me privately and we’ll work something out. This is a story that is series-worthy. It’s that outrageous.

She’s Back!

September 13, 2021 by Melani 18 Comments

Well, I’m sixty fucking years old.

60th birthday Cooper’s Beach, Southampton

Ten years ago, (TEN!) I started the blog, “One Year of Online Dating at 50” and chronicled 365 days of digital dating. Much has changed in the dating arena over the last decade. There are apps, social media dating such as via Facebook and amid a pandemic, virtual dating. People have fallen in love while Zooming with prospective partners/serial killers living a few blocks away—or even across the pond. 

BUT, as much as online dating has evolved, some things remain the same. There’s still a hell of a lot of misfits to weed through and don’t get me started on the Trumpers. They’re constantly skulking around liberal dating profiles, hiding their red hats and unvaccinated arms. My dating profile used to read, “If you voted for Trump, we are not compatible.” Even that didn’t stop some members of the crimson-lidded gang, so I added the three words guaranteed to make even his most ardent (and sneaky) supporters pump the brakes: 

#BlackLivesMatter

So, let’s catch up. What’s new? How’ve you been? Tell me everything. Heck, we were virtual before virtual friendships were cool—or, well, necessary to prevent the brutal experience of inflamed airways and then death by drowning in lung fluid (because there’s that).

I’d like to catch you up too. Much has happened—lots of good and some downright hellish, but that’s life, right? Let’s start with hellish. I was in NYC at the beginning of the pandemic, and it was terrifying. They knew very little about the virus when NYC was the epicenter. Sirens blared round the clock, and I knew what it meant for those inside the ambulances. Eight million people living on top of each other will create the perfect environment for an aerosolized disease and that virus was doing a happy dance in our city. While many residents escaped to second homes, I didn’t have one to run to and hunker down.

Throughout the pandemic, I was living in Harlem after moving from the Upper West Side, two years prior. My youngest daughter was headed back to nursing school, and I needed a roomier apartment with two bedrooms since we would be living together for the first time in a decade. I found what I thought was the perfect place in Harlem.

The Harlem neighborhood I moved to had several funeral homes and the blocks surrounding our apartment were some of the hardest hit in Manhattan. As the death toll climbed, I would see delivery trucks pull up and drop off caskets. There’s nothing more sobering than to see coffins stacked in rows, while funeral directors scrambled to find storage inside.

I was also in the middle of ongoing litigation with my new landlord.  Half of that fabulous apartment I rented didn’t have adequate heat. My daughter and I had spent our first winter absolutely freezing while fighting with the landlord as he claimed the frigid indoor temp was just in our minds. We eventually called the city, and he was cited multiple times, but even that didn’t motivate him to fix the problem which required properly insulating the basement level as well as replacing the boiler.  Expensive, for sure, but for shit’s sake, it was untenable otherwise. 

When I told a friend and former NYer that I was fighting my landlord and I’d hired attorneys, he said, “Cut your losses and leave. It will end up costing you more than you’ll spend on even the most expensive move. That’s what happened to me.”

I should’ve listened because once it was settled, I had spent more in attorney’s fees than the entire rent for a year and an expensive move combined. Sure, we might’ve technically been victorious as the judge believed we had inadequate heat, but in the end the anxiety we had, feeling under siege in that nightmarish living situation, took a toll on my daughter and me. Then, just as we were supposed to move out, the pandemic hit, and we were in lockdown.

Simply writing about that shit show has given me knot in my stomach, so let’s segue to the good stuff.  In 2018 I shared with you that I had created a scripted series based on the dating blog. For those who missed that post, the next two paragraphs below recap:

I have an insanely talented friend, Michael, who’s a screenwriter in LA. We’ve known each other since fifth grade. He doesn’t usually collaborate, and he told me that when I asked if he would be willing to work together to create a series. Then I begged, used a bit of “decades of friendship” guilt, pestered him some more, read: I was an imperial pain in the ass, until he finally agreed. 

5th Grade

We created the pilot script along with a bible, which is basically, a detailed character breakdown and where the story might go. My friend thought of a fabulous series title, “Broken Heals” and we registered it with WGA. Then not much happened. I don’t have many connections in that world and Michael moved forward with other projects he was in the midst of before he paused to work with me.  

Cue the Jeopardy music.

But wait! 

Pre-Covid another old friend, Lisa, I’ve known since my freshman year in HS, visited NYC with her sister, Laura, also my friend. We met for lunch. Lisa is a brilliant costume designer in LA (check out her latest project, “Malignant”). Anyway, my friend told me she and a group of other talented women had formed a production company. Each woman had a pet project she wanted to produce, mostly movies, but I asked if they had considered a series, and then told her about mine. She said she was open to reading the script. Lisa also said she’d be honest even if it was bad news. I was still stoked, and I sent her the pilot script immediately. 

And she liked it!

Lisa arranged a Zoom meeting that included another woman from the production company along with a potential (and impressive) showrunner. I thought I was pitching, so I began selling the series. A few minutes into my hard sell the showrunner stopped me and asked, “Do you think you’re pitching?” I awkwardly replied, “Um, I thought I was.” She said, “No, you don’t have to pitch. I’m in.” I thought my heart was going to explode from relief and pure joy.

 We needed money for series development and to shoot the pilot episode to sell to streaming. All those Hulu, Netflix, Prime “Originals” you watch, started exactly this way with an outside production company. 

Because I don’t happen to have $1.5 – 2 Million lying around, I began approaching potential investors. Many turned me down but with one avenue I pursued, it looked like it was going to happen. Then Covid hit, the stock market crashed, and investors got nervous. As much as it felt like a gut punch, I understood. Everything was so volatile, and there would be no return on the investment unless/until the project was sold. Obviously, most filming shutdown during the pandemic and there was no clear timeline of when it would resume.

I’m proud of the series premise and it’s about goddamn time we see women of a certain age as interesting, sensual, sexy, complex and full human beings. Paulina Porizkova, a supermodel, often writes about the invisibility of women, herself included, in the age demo “between JLo and Betty White.” Why is that?

It reminds me of the scene in “Something’s Gotta Give” when Harry (Jack Nicolson) accidentally saw Erica (Diane Keaton) naked. He acted like acid had been flung in his eyes. He was overweight and losing his hair and yet he was horrified by her body? Her body was amazing, and he should be so lucky, but we live in a world that reminds women every single day that aging faces and bodies are repulsive. Aging men, on the other hand, are still sex symbols and are often paired in television and movies, with women half their age. It’s insane.

 

If you have any doubt about how aging women are shamed, just say “menopause” in a conversation with a group of men and watch their body language. 

Erectile disfunction has been absolutely normalized. Hell, you can’t swing a dead cock without hitting an ad for the latest ED drug.

WHAT?

AND why, goddamnit, are there very few drugs on the market for menopause and research in women’s health and aging remains sparse too? Well, that’s because researchers have historically been men. That’s changing, gradually, but the more we talk about it and demand menopause be addressed plus NORMALIZED, the quicker women will have relief—and good sex. 

Meme by Marcie Jallali

By the way, who are these old dudes fucking? They can shwing through life with an on-demand hard-on, and yet the age-appropriate women, one hopes they’re intimate with, often suffer from untreated vaginal wall thinning, vaginal dryness (atrophied vagina) and low libido. For a woman experiencing these symptoms it often means going to several doctors including female OB-GYNs to try to find a solution. It’s insane and I won’t even get into the struggle to find someone to prescribe hormone replacement therapy that isn’t the one size fits all estrogen patch, especially on the East Coast. It’s as if doctors are in cahoots with Hollywood. “Hey, babe, your lady parts have expired. You’re officially irrelevant. 

This mindset is exactly what “Broken Heals” will address bluntly, clearly and through a main character who refuses to allow anyone to tell her she’s no longer sexy, sensual or interesting. “Melanie” knows exactly what she has to offer and is as comfortable getting naked as she is in her unabashed desire to have all the steamy sex her hormonally-normalized WAP can handle.

There’s no other series like this AND it’s about time. 

Prior to Covid, streaming services had allocated billions for new content. Now that we’ve all Netflixed and chilled for the last 18 months, there’s an even higher demand for new stuff and more money allocated to buy it. 

Lastly, after a ten-year break from blogging about my dates, I’m ready to do it again. “One Year of Online Dating at 50” was a lot of work, and the content I created was done without getting paid—it actually cost me money to blog. I was trying to build a following, hone my writing skills and make a name for myself, all of which I succeeded in doing. I had little confidence as a writer when I began a decade ago, but I do know my worth now.

I hope you’ll support my work through my Patreon page (click here) now that I’m back to dishing the dirt. I have many stories to tell you, each as ridiculous as the next and it hasn’t been just the men I’ve dated. I’ve been a complete asshole as well. I promise you won’t be disappointed. I’ll post the beginning of new blog posts here and if you’re supporting my work through Patreon, you’ll receive the whole enchilada. Beyond the new dating stories, each month I will also rerelease popular blog posts from “One Year.” There are currently three of those popular posts on my Patreon page. If you can’t afford to subscribe, I get it, we’ve all been there but please reach out to me privately via “Contact Melani” and we’ll work something out. In the meantime, buckle up. I’ve got some stories to tell and the first one, coming this week, is a doozy.

“A woman my age isn’t supposed to be attractive or sexually appealing. I just get kinda tired of that.”

Kathleen Turner

It’s An Energy Thing

January 30, 2018 by Melani 2 Comments

Meet Sulimon and listen as he describes what he’s looking for in a woman. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with appearance.

Sulimon shares he once had a recording contract so if you would like to hear more of his music, beyond the song included in the podcast, you can find him on Spotify and iTunes (Sulimon Balogun).

To listen to the podcast on iTunes click HERE.

To listen to the podcast from this website, click HERE.

Here’s wishing Suli finds a woman with just the right energy because he deserves every happiness.

PS-My podcast editor said, “Oh my god there was so much sexual tension between you!”

Hello, Old Friends

January 3, 2018 by Melani 12 Comments

Happy New Year!

I thought it would be a good time to reach out via the blog and check in. I know you hear from me with each Single Because Podcast episode, but I’m in need of this sort of contact with all of you.

I’ve been on and off dating apps over the last year. I’ve even had a few experiences that have gone beyond a date or two. Alas, in the words of U2, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. It’s not for lack of trying, though.

Who am I kidding? Here’s the truth, I’ve been half-assing it most of the time, even with men who might be mistaken for the models on the over-50 dating site ads.

Sometimes it’s just a boatload of aggravation getting dressed up, applying makeup and then squeezing into fucking shapewear to make small talk with a stranger. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to look across the table at a gorgeous man, and I’ve  dated quite a few lately. But, here’s what I’ve discovered and it’s likely because of my age:

It’s not enough.

Now, I don’t mean it’s not enough long-term, what I’m saying is a pretty face won’t cut it even for the casual horizontal hula. Sex just isn’t fulfilling if the person doesn’t grab me—and by grab, I mean all of me. I need smarts, humor and someone with an interesting life. A little swagger doesn’t hurt either. Sheesh, I’m not asking for the moon. All right, the section of my dating profile that states, “Must have given a TED Talk and, don’t try to squeak by with TEDx,” might seem, um, delusional to some.

C’est la vie!

Kill me now.

I’ve also found I would rather focus on my writing. Coupling up just isn’t as important as it once was. I often feel that I’m living my life backward and when I hear people my age speak of retirement I can’t help but shudder.

I married and had my daughters quite young, got divorced, raised them and worked a job I enjoyed but it wasn’t my passion. It was satisfying enough and it paid the bills.

Then, I had a great big beautiful love and was widowed—all by the time I was 45. I didn’t have my twenties to find myself, act irresponsibly then begin to establish a career that was based on work I loved. I’ve only had that for the last eight years and I still haven’t really accomplished anything, dammit! Well, maybe the irresponsible part, just a bit.

I want professional success and that’s really where I’ve been laser-focused. I finished the book about my year of online dating. I’ve sent it out to agents and small publishing houses not requiring an agent submission, but haven’t had much interest. I’ll keep trying and may eventually self-publish if I can’t sell the darn thing.

I worked with a friend of mine, Michael, a talented screenwriter who’s had an amazing career and worked for several major studios. Together, we created a scripted series based on the blog and book. Michael was a wonderful teacher as we wrote the pilot script and bible and although he’s not one for collaborating, he was kind enough to make an exception. The series, a dramedy, is made for streaming services or cable (lots of swearing).  It is called, “Broken Heals” and we’d love to find an audience.

I’ve also been writing a memoir based on the two years my husband and I lived in Russia called, “Mudderland.” Since I had a crash course in screenwriting and wasn’t sure how much I’d retain, I went ahead and created a scripted series, a comedy, based on the book that I’m still in the process of writing. This is a comedy because our life in Russia is a ridiculous gift that keeps on giving–if one is writing about it after the fact instead of living in the craziness, of course. I have the pilot script and series bible finished. “Mudderland” is another project I would love to sell. It’s hard (some have told me impossible) to sell these projects as an unknown, and that’s exactly what I am. If I could finagle a way to get the right eyes on either or both, who knows what might happen? I’m not sure how, but I’m going to keep pushing. With all the female-driven work finally getting attention through people like Reece Witherspoon and her Hello Sunshine production company, all it takes is one person to read it and believe it’s a story that should be told.

So now you know all that’s going on in my life–lots of work and very little lust. BUT, I’m happy and busy and I’m feeling fulfilled. Not as content as I would be if I could actually figure out a way to support myself with my work–but I’m doing everything I can to get there.

I was recently in a DatingAdvice.com article, and if you’re interested, you can read it HERE. It was an unexpected and wonderful surprise and while you’re there, check out the site. DatingAdvice.com is the leading web authority on dating and an excellent resource.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday and New Year. I don’t know about you but I was glad to put 2017 in the rearview mirror. I haven’t slept through the night in over a year. As my grandmother used to say, “Every night I’m up and down like a whore at a picnic.” The cause of my insomnia is clear: the fucking nightmare that is Donald Trump and his insane administration. I never thought I’d worry about nuclear war. I can’t even get out of bed without looking at Twitter. I need to know what that lunatic will destroy next.

*takes a deep cleansing breath*

Here’s wishing everyone peace,  joy and restful sleep in 2018. What’s new with you? Feel free to dish some dirt in the comments section. I always love hearing about your lives.

PS: I’ve really missed you.

Melani

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Seat at Her Table

December 18, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Meet Steph and listen as she talks about the work she’s done to finally feel comfortable in her own skin.  Steph shares her struggles with low self-esteem, but more specifically how living with Poland syndrome, a rare disorder, that has impacted her relationships in the past. Listen as she describes what she’s done to avoid making the same mistakes in her current relationship.

 

Click HERE to listen via iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Please: Rate, Review and Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

See you again in 2018!

 

Her Second Act

October 4, 2017 by Melani 3 Comments

Meet Donna and listen as she talks about the circumstances led her to the second act in her life. One she never saw coming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Don’t forget to RATE, REVIEW and SUBSCRIBE on iTunes. As you know–it matters.

Young Guy Old School

July 3, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Meet Keith and listen as he tells us how his generation (and dating) isn’t what it used to be.

Keith has an old-fashioned view of dating, yet as a millennial living in New York City, he feels forced to use technology in the search for love.

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

This will be the last podcast until September. I’m taking the rest of the summer to polish the book about my year of online dating. I’m also working on a new book, a memoir, about two Americans living in Russia. I’m calling it, “Mudderland” and I think the subject matter is rather timely, right?

If you haven’t already subscribed to the podcast or blog, I hope you’ll do so either from this website or on iTunes. If you subscribe, you’ll be notified when new podcast episodes air in the fall. You can also follow along on the Single Because Podcast Facebook Page or my Facebook Page. You can also follow me on Twitter if you can stand that all I do is bitch about Trump. Ugh, maybe he’ll be gone soon and I can get some sleep.

Have a wonderful summer filled with love and seriously lustful sex. Light a candle for me in that area, please!

As always I hope you’ll take the time to rate and review on iTunes. It doesn’t take long and it means a lot to me.

 

You Talkin’ To Me?

May 2, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

I’m sharing a story from long ago about a guy named Chuck. It’s from the blog 1yearofonlinedatingat50.com where I chronicled a fairly disastrous year of digital dating. I ask guests on the podcast to share personal and often embarrassing stories.  It’s only fair that I occasionally do the same. For the record, I always changed the names of the men I wrote about. I would modify other details too such as where they lived or worked to be sure nobody they knew would recognize them. I didn’t seek to humiliate anyone but sometimes, given the level of crazy, it might’ve happened. Just the facts and this one is embarrassing and, um, dirty. Very dirty.

I want to thank those of you that have taken the time to Rate, Review and Subscribe on iTunes. If you haven’t written a review I hope you’ll do so. Based on stats there are about 10,000 regular listeners who’ve not yet done so. Come on, show me some love.

Click HERE to listen from iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from this website.

What’s In A Name?

April 3, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Listen as Jackie tells her story of transformation from the insecure “Little Korean Girl” to the powerful and confident woman she is today. Was it all because she changed her name?

Jackie talks about her evolution and the winding path she took to reach a place where she could embrace everything about herself, flaws and all. She was comfortable with the possibility that she would never find love or get married. Of course, that was when she met her soulmate and knew it something different–a love that would last a lifetime.

You’ll find more photos of Jackie and her fiancé, on the podcast show notes page.

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Be sure to RATE and REVIEW on iTunes. Over 10K of you are here every month and yet I have a small number of reviews. Reviews make it possible to approach sponsors and will allow me to continue to provide entertainment to you–free of charge. It’s important as every podcast or blog post I do costs money. Many podcasters use patron funding platforms such as Patreon instead of corporate sponsors. Let me know your opinion. Should I ask listeners to help? I’ve never attempted to monetize my work, but I think it is time.

The Wedding Planner

March 9, 2017 by Melani 3 Comments

Meet Jesse and listen as she tells us her story of searching for the right guy in New York City. Oh, and she’s a wedding planner whose professional life is spent creating the perfect day for happy couples, while she navigates the (often discouraging) dating scene in NYC. Yikes, talk about an occupational hazard, right? 

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from the website.

 

Be sure to Rate, Review and Subscribe on iTunes. 

Episode 10: Gettin’ Cheeky With It

February 2, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Lori runs her business like a boss. but her personal life needed restructuring.

The latest Single Because Podcast episode is available for your listening pleasure. Meet Lori and listen as she shares her story of being a serial monogamist along with what she’s going to do to ensure she won’t have to file a fourth restraining order against another ex-boyfriend.

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen from iTunes.

Click HERE to listen from this website.

Below you will find a step by step guide on how to RATE and REVIEW on iTunes. It’s complicated and I don’t have a clue why it has to be. I’ve heard from many of you about your struggle to figure out how to leave a review and I thought this might make it easier. Thanks in advance for taking the time to do it!

Step 1: Google “Single Because Podcast”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 2: Click the Subscribe button if you want to be notified each time there’s a new episode on iTunes. Click the middle Review button.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 3: Click on Write a Review.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 4: Give it a title and then write a review such as, “Doing this so the bitch will quit asking.” Don’t forget the stars! 

Woohoooo! Thanks!

Episode 09: Polly Wanna Amorous?

January 19, 2017 by Melani 7 Comments

Meet Billy and listen as he discusses having his heart broken because he’s always been the transitional guy. You know, Mr. Right Now, while women are waiting for Mr. Right.

There’s much more to this story, though. If you’re at work or children are around, listen with headphones. If explicit sexual discussions make you squirm, this isn’t the episode for you.

Ha, now you’re dying to listen, right?

I want to thank Billy for sharing his story. Here’s the deal, when we judge people for personal relationship choices that don’t hurt anyone, that’s OUR issue.

Don’t forget to RATE and REVIEW on iTunes. I see how many of you are listening. It’s, well, discouraging that I don’t see more reviews. Please take the time. It matters.

Listen here on iTunes

Listen here from the website. 

Episode 8: Melani Shares “He Said Dungarees”

January 4, 2017 by Melani Leave a Comment

Every so often I will share one of my dating disaster stories from the blog: 1YearofOnlineDatingat50.com. I’m writing a book based on the blog–and rewriting, and rewriting and writing some more. I will publish in 2017–promise! You can sign up to be notified when the book is available through the 1 Year of Online Dating tab on this website. This story I’m reading in this podcast, “He Said Dungarees” was a popular post with followers. I hope you enjoy listening.

Listen HERE on iTunes

Listen HERE from the website

The next podcast episode that will air in two weeks is a doozy. Buckle up! Don’t forget to Rate, Review and Subscribe on iTunes. I’m going to keep asking, because it matters.

Episode 7: Back Where She Belongs

December 14, 2016 by Melani 6 Comments

11221513_10207306373438353_3344523517343401338_nMeet Rosalynn and listen as she describes her struggle to find love after more than twenty-five years of searching. She was seeking a man that could check all the boxes and as any person who’s single and seeking knows, that is hard to find. But, in Rosalynn’s case, what she was looking for had been there all along.

 

 

Listen HERE for iTunes.

Listen HERE from this website where you will also find more photos of Rosalynn and her darling daughter.

As I say at the end of this episode, please, please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE on iTunes. If you’re not using iTunes but are listening to the podcast from this site, you can still rate and review on iTunes.

Podcasts and websites like mine cost money.

I can attract sponsors if I have lots of great ratings and reviews. That means I’ll be able to continue to provide you with free entertainment. I never ask anything of my followers/listeners. I don’t try to sell you anything from my website, (which I’ve been told I should be doing). I’m not comfortable with that–even though I haven’t met most of you face to face, you feel like my friends. We’ve been together a long time. BUT, I’m asking you now to do this. Thank you in advance. I truly appreciate it.

If you’re the celebrating type:

Happy Hanukkah!

Merry Christmas!

Joyous Kwanzaa!

Festivus For Rest of Us!

I’ll see you all next year.

PS: If you notice there’s a new icon on the website. It looks like a medal. The blog was named one of the fifty best dating blogs. Yay!

Episode 6: Love, Lust and Guitar Men

December 4, 2016 by Melani 2 Comments

12310413_10153759140209666_1387040911946034718_nMeet Sandy and listen as she takes us through her dating history: guitar men, a comedian and unrequited lust. She tells us what she learned with each guy, and curiously, it was always about herself.

 

 

 

 

Click HERE to listen from the website.

Click HERE to listen on iTunes.

Please rate and review on iTunes. It matters.

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My name is Melani Robinson and I’m a writer/blogger, and online dating expert living in New York City on the Upper West Side. READ MORE

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